Alien Covenant


Viewed – 03 October 2017  Online-rental

I was optimistic about this one.  I was initially a little hyped when it hit theatres considering that director Ridley Scott not only created the Alien franchise, but also helmed last year’s (for me) ‘movie of the year’ Martian.  So I was thinking, he’s back and bringing Alien back.  Oh was I wrong…

Alien Covenant

The crew of the Covenant are transporting a colony of thousands in hyper sleep, in search of a new planet to call their home.  After receiving a distress call from a near by planet, they choose to, albeit reluctantly investigate.  Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  Sort of a direct sequel to the much hyped yet bewildering Prometheus, a film I came away disappointed by, this has returning character David, a synthetic android marooned on said planet who the crew of the space ship meet up with.  Amongst their crew is also an identical synthetic called Walter (both are played by Michael Fassbender), who soon finds himself bonding with his look-a-like by way of a drawn out flute lesson (yes you read that right…a flute lesson).

This is a movie in search of an identity.  It wants to be a survival horror typical Alien movie, and then like Prometheus it wants to be a philosophical origin story on both the creation of the Aliens and some mumbo-jumbo mythology involving mankind and bio-engineering.  The problem is it’s very hard to get invested in much of any of it, what with tedious characterisation and a plodding pace.  Fassbender tries his best but is let down by a poor script that is both over-complicated and boring.  Unconvincing CGI for the Aliens doesn’t help either and when crew members start dying off and you’re not even entirely sure which ones they were – the movie has problems.

Alien never needed a deep mythology.  It didn’t need a back story.  The mystery, the foreboding eeriness of H R Giger’s designs was enough – once a director attempts to explain it all, it ultimately kills it … which Scott is very much going to do if he insists on making the franchise something it never needed to be.

Verdict:  2 /5

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Watchmen


Viewed – 17 March 2009  Cinema

This is a difficult review to write … normally with comic book superhero fair I know where I am and can settle into the reviewing process easily… but this is not like any other comic book movie, for a start it plays out very adult and unconventional, where this time around the caped crusaders are mostly disgraced, fallen heroes semi-retired living in a city that no longer (if ever) respects them. 

watchmen_silk_spectre

Somebody is also trying to track them down and kill them, as the threat of cold war nuclear devastation looms.  Set in 1985 we follow a bizarre gumshoe detective called Rorschack, sporting a cloth mask that changes appearance depending on his mood, investigating the murder of a fellow Watchman, and turns to his former colleagues (Silk Spectre, Night Owl, Ozymadias) to try and figure out who or what is behind it.  This depressing, bitter character narrates the film in an overly preachy manner, as he recants entries from his journal.  His dialogue seems to be a direct read of what was most likely on the page of the graphic novel on which the film is based, and there it would read like well written, quality prose, but here feels like you’re being beaten over the head when all you want to do is see some costumed heroes kick ass.

Add the rather mental character of Dr Manhattan, a big blue guy who for the most part is stark naked with his cock hanging out.  He’s so powerful and strange that he does lift the film out of near tedium but has a manner so bland and down beat that every time he’s on screen you feel the plight of our heroes is hopeless.  This film has a lot to say about nuclear armageddon, about societies faith in a savour of some kind, heroism, politics and war, and with detailed flash backs on each characters past, you do find yourself getting enthralled … but this big issue here is that at the end of the day, its just not that entertaining.  Things do kick off, and its exciting in parts, both stylish and well choreographed, with some excellent special effects (even throwing in sex and violence to hammer home that all important ‘adult’ flavour).  OK, some of the more graphic imagery is mostly unnecessary, but hey I’m a guy and the sight of Silk Spectre costumed or naked is going to work for me any day of the week.

So there we have it, the film adaptation of a graphic novel they said was unfilmable, and I can see where they were coming from.  Yes you can film it, replicate the images and the style of the book, but by completely adapting the text and the complexity of the narrative (for the most part) to the screen, they have lost that all important ‘fun’ factor that a big budget, effects filled costume caper needs to be successful.  I’m sure this will do well, but you may come away as I did thinking … ‘did I enjoy it?’.

Verdict:  3 /5

Watchmen – trailer


Check this out!  Hyped to be the final word, the full stop and the Citizen Kane of super hero movies.  From this trailer, it may just live up to such expectations.

…due 2009