I was recently watching a YouTube video on a particular method of over-coming or lowering the effects of depression by female journalist, gamer and games-journalist Julia Hardy; someone I’ve enjoyed the videos of and also feel talks a lot of sense. You can find the actual video I watched below:
It got me thinking about some of the things I do in life that don’t exactly enhance or better how I felt about myself and my life as whole but are simply addictions or habits I’ve fallen into just because it’s the society norm to do so. One such thing is ‘social media’ and platforms like Twitter and Facebook. Both have their uses and places in our modern society, but are also places that can paint a very artificial and heightened version of reality that isn’t entirely ‘real’ and can create images of other people’s lives that can be detrimental to how I might view my own, be it on a conscious or sub-conscious level. So I took the advise of this video and chose to stay away from all forms of social media for 24 hours. The results? It felt a little cold-turkey, as I still wanted to check my phone but struggled (yet succeeded) in not doing so. Finding more interest in other activities like watching a movie or playing a video game and being able to focus better on said activities whereas normally I’d be checking my Facebook or Twitter every couple of minutes. I had previously realised but more so with this little experiment that I had become rather obsessed with checking these apps even when there was nothing new to look at. Browsing through them with little or no interest in what I was looking at, but having to look at it any way. So I’m going to attempt to take longer breaks between looking at social media…posting far less on them or interacting with them. Enjoying what they have to offer in a more controlled, less addicted way. Well that’s at least the theory.
I’ve said before on this blog that I do to an extent suffer from depression. It’s been hard to really understand myself but a general feeling of ‘disconnect’ and feeling ‘lost’ amongst the people around me is a contributing factor, unable to always ‘engage’ or feeling like I’m putting an ‘act’ on sometimes. I thoroughly enjoy my job, my friends, work colleagues and family, but also sometimes feel completely out of place. It’s a very inward feeling and has little to do with anyone in particular. That might be a common theme amongst those with anxiety and depression, even though I’ve never been officially diagnosed (for me that would make it too much of a ‘thing’). Sometime last year I realised that the only way to feel happy is to take more control of my life, not be afraid to do things (although I’m still like that) and motivate myself to buy that thing, go to that place and enjoy that activity, even if it’s by myself. I realise I do a great deal of the things I enjoy solitary, and that can get me down but it’s also a frame of mind and trying to accept that and enjoy one’s solidarity can be liberating, whilst also probably realising that joining in and being a part of someone else’s activity is just as important. One of the reasons I tend to involve myself in work’s nights outs or activities with friends, as infrequently as these things crop up – I feel it’s something I need to do otherwise it’s always just me.
I’ll continue to watch videos like the one above for some self-help and hope to experience a different, less introverted way of thinking. It’s probably always going to be an on-going issue for me, but one I’m determined to explore more and understand.